Thursday, August 30, 2007

Trader Joe's is a Hot Bag of Air

Witness this example of commerce raping the wallets of the everyday, hardworking Americans:

"Dear Trader Joe's,

I would like to formally lodge a complaint. See captioned photograph as evidence that my $5 bag of Mendocino County air is in fact contaminated by several small shreds of what appears to be corn chips."

But seriously, all the hippies that run Trader Joe's should know better than to offer a product that is so clearly created by THE MAN. Mayber they should change the name of the store to Traitor Joe's, which would more accurately describe their service to the community. This whole situation right here is bullshit. I call for the systematic closure of all Trader Joe's food stores until they either fill those f-ing chip bags more that 5% full or reduce the size of that bag by 90%. WHO'S WITH ME?!!

Trader Joe's is wasting the capacity of that BAG! That plastic bag, made from precious Iraqi oil! Do they know how many people died to defend our right to use that petrolium product? Do they not care? THEY DON'T SUPPORT THE TROOPS! THEY'RE ANTI-AMERICA. THEY DON'T LOVE GOD! TRADER JOE'S IS THE SUPER MARKET TO SATAN HIMSELF! (who no doubt shops there ONLY for the chocolate covered almonds) But even Satan would have the good sense to shop at Ralphs after seeinig that embaressing, sad sack excuse for a bag of chips.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Jennifer Anniston Fan Club Member - Making Jen Proud!

Here is a fan of Jennifer Anniston's, offering Jen a bit of friendly advice and encouragement on one of those celebrity worship websites. Too bad this person is a moron:

However, I do agree that Brad choosing "Angina" does technically qualify him in the "is nut" status as this writer so eloquently points out. Note the name "ANGINA", not to be confused with VAGINA. It is clear that the fan with a third grade education is the one who is "nut" and should just stop trying to compose sentences. She should be thrown in jail to rot for using the awesomely tired and annoying phrase "You go girl." Insert pencil into eyeball.