Witness this example of commerce raping the wallets of the everyday, hardworking Americans:
"Dear Trader Joe's,
I would like to formally lodge a complaint. See captioned photograph as evidence that my $5 bag of Mendocino County air is in fact contaminated by several small shreds of what appears to be corn chips."
But seriously, all the hippies that run Trader Joe's should know better than to offer a product that is so clearly created by THE MAN. Mayber they should change the name of the store to Traitor Joe's, which would more accurately describe their service to the community. This whole situation right here is bullshit. I call for the systematic closure of all Trader Joe's food stores until they either fill those f-ing chip bags more that 5% full or reduce the size of that bag by 90%. WHO'S WITH ME?!!
Trader Joe's is wasting the capacity of that BAG! That plastic bag, made from precious Iraqi oil! Do they know how many people died to defend our right to use that petrolium product? Do they not care? THEY DON'T SUPPORT THE TROOPS! THEY'RE ANTI-AMERICA. THEY DON'T LOVE GOD! TRADER JOE'S IS THE SUPER MARKET TO SATAN HIMSELF! (who no doubt shops there ONLY for the chocolate covered almonds) But even Satan would have the good sense to shop at Ralphs after seeinig that embaressing, sad sack excuse for a bag of chips.
Here is a fan of Jennifer Anniston's, offering Jen a bit of friendly advice and encouragement on one of those celebrity worship websites. Too bad this person is a moron:
However, I do agree that Brad choosing "Angina" does technically qualify him in the "is nut" status as this writer so eloquently points out. Note the name "ANGINA", not to be confused with VAGINA. It is clear that the fan with a third grade education is the one who is "nut" and should just stop trying to compose sentences. She should be thrown in jail to rot for using the awesomely tired and annoying phrase "You go girl." Insert pencil into eyeball.
It's time to take a stand. It's time for all God fearing Americans to band together and take a stand for a cause that really means something: the fight against abusive public parking garages. We pay them $7.00 to temporarily rent a small piece of their nasty, urine smelling, cement labryth of lies and deception. For the money, I should at least buy the opportunity to park my Iraq-war-supporting Hum-V if I feel like it. Or if I want to put money into the hands of a Saudi Prince and purchase a Ford Explorer, I should be able to park it in public to show what an ass I am and not worry about getting a door ding. But as cars in America grow more giant, parking spaces seem to shrink at an alarming rate. Please take the following evidence as an example of a parking garage's blatent intent to have my vehicular property damaged.
Attention Parking Garage Owners (i.e. thieves): If you insist on stealing money from me, here is a list of things I look for in a parking spot (in no particular order):
1. Ability to open my car door after parking. 2. Doesn't smell like pee.
The parking space in the above photo is approximately 60" wide. Granted, it does say on the ground that the space is for "Small Cars Only", but just how thin do they think they make cars? Even the ultra small Mini Coopers are 78.5" wide...so their isn't much chance that any normal sized car will fit here. That's why the people that run these operations are a bunch of no good evil doers, plucking money from people's wallets so persistently you might think they were an oil company.
I say all of this assuming that you're probably not one of the eight people in America who own this little death trap called "Tango", which is only 39" wide.
Sidebar: Doesn't it take two to tango? I thought so. Ironically, this car only seats one person: The driver. Honestly, you might as well drive a unicycle.